


Drabbles on Touch

by Nocticola



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: 2x2 Fear and Loathing, 3x1 301, 3x11 Last Goodbyes, 3x2 Stay, 5x10 Mortality, 5x26 Forever, Episode 1x2 Butterfly, Episode: s01e01 Welcome to Haven, Episode: s01e03 Harmony, Episode: s01e05 Ball and Chain, Episode: s01e12 Resurfacing, Episode: s01e13 Spiral, Episode: s02e11 Business As Usual, Episode: s03e04 Over My Head, Episode: s03e07-08 Magic Hour Parts 1-2, Episode: s03e13 Thanks for the Memories, Episode: s04e04 Lost and Found, Episode: s05e03 Spotlight, Episode: s05e06 The Old Switcheroo Part 2, Episode: s05e20 Just Passing Through, F/M, Post-Troubles (Haven)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:23:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 5,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Short fics dealing with significant scenes about touch.Romantic Nathan/Audreypossibly other characters





	1. Magic Hour

She cannot stop touching him. She hasn’t touched him in days, weeks. Ever since she pushed him away, to save him and he recoiled at her touch and started touching Jordan. He touched Jordan to help *her* (which her? Jordan? Herself? Both? Who knows), because he *understands* her but now he’s gone. He’s lying dead on the ground, his shirt is bloody and his body is cooling but she… just… cannot…stop…touching…him. His beautiful blue eyes are still open and lifeless and he doesn’t react, he always, always, *always* reacted to her touch before. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to stay, live. She was supposed to leave him behind. He was not supposed to leave her first. He was supposed to love her again when she returned. 

She knows she should be doing *something*, to fix him, there has to be something she can do, to bring him back, save him like he’s saved her. Like she has before. She’s seen, felt, him die before, but she fixed it. There has to be something she can do. She knows there must be. But somehow, right this moment, all she can really do is touch him.


	2. She's here (but he does not feel)[5x6 That Old Switcheroo part 2]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nathan: Something happened, I have no idea what.  
> Mara: Nothing happened. You’re both idiots.  
> (Audrey sobbing)  
> Duke: Who the hell is that?

She's back. She's *here* and the joy and relief he feels are almost overwhelming. It worked. He drops to his knees. He wants laugh and cry and shout. But he doesn't. He wants to hold her and never let her go. And he does. He knows she's holding onto him too. And there is touch, and contact. But no feeling. He buries his face in her hair, yet there is nothing. Something is wrong. He holds her tighter but nothing changes. He allows for a brief moment of grief before pushing it down. She's *here* and she's holding onto him and she's whole. That's all that matters. "Thank you," she whispers. He can't help but echo the sentiment. She's back, and he's just so grateful. Figuring out the rest can wait. 


	3. 3x4 Over My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actually drabble length musings from Nathan (72 words) and Audrey (87 words) about that moment in 3x4 where Nathan pulls away his arm from Audrey's touch.

She touches you, and something you thought would never happen, happens. You don’t want her to. You pull your arm away from her static touch. She apologizes. You’re glad (in a totally messed up way). You’re trying your best to save her, you’re willing to do anything to let her stay. You’ll use the tattoo on your arm (you’ll even use your biological father). Anything to save her. No matter the cost.  
***  
He pulls away from you. Your touch. He hasn’t done that before. It hurts. But it’s for the best. It’s what she needs to do. She doubts she can be saved. So now she just hopes she doesn’t destroy too many lives when she leaves. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. You’re worried about him, what he will do, how far he is willing to go for you. You don’t want this for him. (You don’t want this for yourself, either) She’s worried about the cost.


	4. Mara (5x3 Spotlight)

"I know you can feel me," Mara whispers in Nathan's ear like the dirty little non-secret it is. 

His silent non-denial is a confession too. But it doesn't matter. Her touch is poison. It's 'Troubles' and 'wrong' and 'don't'. But he can't even whisper those words to her. Because she has Audrey's face and she gives him feeling. Touch.

He hates it. And he hates her. But sometimes... Sometimes he's just weak.

"We can both pretend, if we just close our eyes."

He does. He succumbs and hates himself for it. She enjoys it all. And he hates her more.


	5. 2x2 Fear and Loathing

"The Troubles went away before. I can... wait"

Her hand is on his, and he has to pause.

It's the first time she has touched him since she found out. That he can feel (only) her.

It's not a high five for coffee, or a silly handshake he used to steal touch, feeling.

It's comfort. It's 'I know what you did'. It's 'I care about you'. But all that's too much and now she's gone.

There're still leftover roses from his father's wake. The soft petals on his skin, his one indulgence. Now he's back to nothing. Nothing but Audrey.


	6. Welcome to Haven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 ficlets for Welcome to Haven.

Getting into a freak car accident does not give Haven a good first impression. 'Love Will Keep Us Together' doesn't help. That song seems to really haunt Audrey today. 

There's surprise knock on the window. 

"God!"

A presumably local man asks "You need some help?"  
Audrey's sarcasm is in fine form today. "No. No, I'm alright. Thank you." Just about to fall down a cliff, no big deal.  
"Oh. Ok then."  
And--- the man is off. "Unbelievable." This really isn't a good day for Audrey.

Suddenly, the man is back, gesturing his directions. He pulls her out of the car by her jacket and she's surprised they both stayed upright afterwards. She supposes there are worst ways to meet someone.

***

Nathan sees a car dangling off a cliff. He can here a Captain and Tenille song from the car, which stops suddenly, at the same time the car takes a slurge forward. 'Are they serious?'

The car is settled when Nathan gets to it, and he knocks on the passenger side door. When he gets her attention, he asks "You need some help?"

The woman replies with strong sarcasm, which amuses Nathan. He decides to tease her a bit by supposedly taking her sarcasm seriously. He needs to get to her side of the car, anyway.

She is a bit surprised to see him again but she follows his directions silently and efficiently. Nathan holds onto her jacket while pulling her out of the car. Neither one of them falls down but neither do their hands touch, so Nathan's happy about that. Watching the car fall down into it's destruction, Nathan feels compelled to say something.

"Shame about the car."  
"Eh, it's a rental." 

Rental, huh? Wonder why she's in Haven?

***

Something is really off in this town. Fog appearing out of nowhere is really suspicious. The situation quickly turns dangerous. Visibility becomes an issue, and it puts people in danger. There's a truck barrelling down the street, right where Nathan is. Audrey tries yelling at him, but it's too late. She runs to him, tackling him to the ground to safety.

Mutual savings always give any partnership a nice base.

Nathan's reaction raises Audrey's suspicions, though. Nathan's up and about while Audrey is still checking herself for the after-effects. Soon she finds out why. Ideopathic neuropathy. If that is what it really is. This town and ite people keep becoming more and more odd. It makes Audrey curious. Not to mention that mysterious 27 year old photo.


	7. 2x11 Business as Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Ficlet from Audrey's pov  
> 2\. Drabble from Nathan's pov

"I know who you are. I do."  
Nathan says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Nathan Wuornos knows Audrey Parker. Knows *her*, whoever that really is. He understands her like she doesn't always understand herself. He trusts her more than she trusts herself right now. 

He found Lucy Ripley for her. It's such a simple, yet complicated thing to do. They don't touch much, still. But she can't stop herself from hugging him. His words pause, just for a moment. She can feel his cheek, his shoulders. He hugs back like it's nothing unusual.

Before she leaves, she returns his sentiment. Not just partners. She knows that much is true, at least. She needs Nathan to really know that, before she leaves (but she will return).

So, she turns back and kisses him. Nathan's face is soft and smooth. His lips are barely move to reciprocate the kiss, but she knows it might just be the shock of touch, of feeling. She has to leave, yet his hands still try to find her. 

They'll continue this later.

### 

A cheek against a cheek. Hair on his face. A hug. He doesn't remember when was the last time he's felt one.

It feels so good. Not just the hug (actual physical contact). But doing this, for Audrey. Finding Lucy Ripley.

"I'll be here," waiting for you. Hurry back, and tell me all the answers you find. 

Suddenly, it's hands. Lips. Audrey's sweet lips. A real kiss. Electricity in his brain. It's too brief for him to react. Means too much for him to do anything but stare after her. Leaves him dizzy. 

Not just partners. But something else, too. 


	8. 3x1 301

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duke: Okay, maybe it's not aliens. Maybe it's someone's trouble, but I am telling you it is not an engine problem!  
> Nathan: Go back and try it again.  
> Duke: Nathan, you can't fix this. Listen to me. Hey!  
> Nathan: You've been telling me what I can't do since we were kids. Now Audrey's missing, we're stuck in the middle of nowhere! Do not tell me I can't fix this! I'm gonna fix this.  
> Duke: This is not helping! Will you please stop acting like a lovesick child?  
> Nathan: What?  
> Duke: You are in love with Audrey. What, did you think that was a secret?  
> Nathan: You don't know what you're talking about.  
> Duke: No, I do. I understand how you feel.  
> Nathan: No, you don't understand anything.  
> Duke: No, I understand that if you--  
> Nathan: When Audrey touches me, I can feel it. She's the only one I can feel.  
> Duke: What?  
> Nathan: She's the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duke PoV; one-sided Duke/Audrey (sorry Duke!)
> 
> I have a couple of other ones already written so I'll publish those soon, possibly today.

"Listen to me. Hey!" Duke tries to get a hold of Nathan, try to make him see reason. But that doesn't help at all. Instead, Nathan slaps his hands away, pushes him back, just like back when they were kids and Nathan had gotten sick of his treatment. It's almost amusing compared to the pummeling they did on each other just hours ago.

"You've been telling me what I can't do since we were kids!" Duke holds his hands up, to show his hands are nowhere near Nathan. Nathan is so particular about his surroundings, the gesture is a familiar one between them. Everything about Nathan screams 'Don't fucking touch me'. 

"Now Audrey's missing, we're stuck in the middle of nowhere! Do not tell me I can't fix this! I'm gonna fix this." 

Also, a panic attack.

Duke knows he needs to distract Nathan, get him to think through the panic. Get him to do something other than try to fix an unfixable truck.

"Stop acting like a lovesick child!" Maybe not the best phrasing, but anger is better than panic. 

"You don't know what you are talking about." Duke thinks he does. He really does. And he's trying to get Nathan to see that, but turns out, Nathan's right.

"When Audrey touches me, I can feel it. She's the only one I can feel."

"What?" How did he miss that? It makes all the sense, yet he never suspected. Nathan's emotions are obvious, but he can feel her?

"She's the only one," Nathan adds, like a confession.

'Seems like fate, doesn't it?' Nathan had asked all those months ago. Not about Jess, but about Audrey. Maybe if Nathan didn't get dragged to a field by invisible aliens right after, Duke might finally agree with Nathan about that.

Later, when Audrey runs straight into Nathan's arms, Duke knows for sure. Definitely fate.


	9. 3x11 Last Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd update today! This one is actually a drabble again.

He waits for her at the hospital after check-up. He can see she's had another long, long day. He wishes he hadn't missed it by being in a damn coma.

She apologizes to him but he doesn't need it, not anymore.

Touch her. She needs it. He wants to. For once, he does. He takes her hand, forgives her, if she needs it. Her hand is soft and warm. He remembers that she wanted to talk to him about something. He hopes it's the same thing he does. 

He doesn't want to let go of her hand. But duty calls.


	10. 4x4 Lost and Found: Feeling 'Lexie'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon typical self destructive thoughts from Nathan.

Nathan hasn't felt anything in over 6 months. All those hits, the freezing cold of Marion's house, the burns on his hands from Don. Nothing.

Yet there are things Nathan feels now more acutely than before. Guilt. Responsibility. He feels like he is drowing in emotions, and nothing Duke or Jennifer or anyone else says to the contrary does anything to alleviate them. (Jordan's hate is the most potent, given it's oh so very personal nature)

When he gets the call that Duke and Jennifer found the barn, the door, whatever, there is a sense of... relief. It will all be over soon. The spot is beautiful. Not a bad place to end your life. 

Audrey looks... different. The Barn must have already done something to her. It doesn't matter. It will all be over soon.

He wakes her up by gently stroking her cheek, touching her hand. He never really got to do this with her.

Nathan almost forgot just how beautiful she is. He did forget the feel of her. He places some of her hair behind her ear, feeling her hair, her cheek, her warmth. She lets him do it, so it must be Audrey.

"You made it," feels so inadequate for what just happened.

"Hi," is all she says, and Nathan had nearly forgotten the sound of her voice (he had a message from her he listened to until he had to ditch his phone). He's glad that he gets to experience it, one last time. 

"Hey." 

Time's up. He gets his gun back from Jordan. He tells Audrey what he knows must happen. Now that the moment is here, he... He feels calm. It's what is supposed to happen.

He shares one last look with Duke, letting him know he's alright, he wants to do this. It's what has to happen. He makes sure the gun hits the right spot. He's been shot through the heart before. It's quick (everything's painless, for him).

He takes one final moment to be selfish, and he kisses her. The way he's wanted to kiss her for so long, the way he never really got to. She kisses him back, and that's all he needs. More than he deserves. He's ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third update today! I think 10 chapters is a good achievement for 2017, so unless I get inspired for more, this is on hiatus. Yay for 200 hits!


	11. 5x10 Mortality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Audrey:Nathan.  
> Nathan: Parker. Hey.  
> Audrey: Hey.  
> Nathan: You're all right?  
> Audrey: Yeah. We're all right. There's oxygen again.  
> Nathan: I guess Pete must have figured it out. Things are finally starting to look up.[Audrey starts coughing] You're still sick. How is that possible?

Audrey takes a big gulp of air as she awakes. She can feel the mysterious mask on her face. She doesn’t need it anymore, there’s oxygen again. Something changed. She reaches over the bed to see Nathan lying on the floor, without a mask. She will have to yell at him about that later.

"Nathan." She calls to him. 

"Parker." 

Soon he's up and exactly where he should be, holding her hand. It feels so nice and right. She's glad her lack of immunity hasn't affected this. 

But she fears it has affected something else when a cough overtakes her.


	12. 1x13 Spiral

Audrey walks around the pier where they found the Colorado Kid. She's connected to this place in some very weird way. Very little of it makes sense. What does make sense is that she ruined it with the Wuornoses. The Chief is death and Nathan doesn't want to see her. She has no idea what to do next.

"Audrey!" 

She didn't expect to see Nathan again, not this soon. 

"I'm surprised you wanted to find me anywhere," she tries to joke about it but her voice is still too teary for that to work. Nathan isn't in a joking mood either. He tells her about the Rev, rubs his thumb over his father's badge. Nathan's badge now.

"That's your job now."

He looks down, apologetic. "I'm sorry I shut you out."

She doesn't really know how to open up either. They're quite the pair. "I'm sorry, too. Nathan, you're the one person that I can absolutely trust."

Nathan seems taken aback by her words. It's weird for her too. She didn't think she would ever have a person like Nathan in her life. Didn't realize how much she need one. She wants to really show Nathan she means it. Even though Nathan won't feel it, a simple touch, holding on to the badge with him, might help. 

"And if you're going to wear this then we need to be honest with each other." She plans to finally tell him about Lucy when something miraculous happens. Nathan reacts to her touch. 

***

Nathan didn't think she'd touch him. He didn't expect it at all. Audrey's hands are warm, soft. He doesn't want to let go. And she *doesn't*, not for a while, while he tries to find his voice, tell his secret but he doesn't have to. He's glad he doesn't have to hide anymore. He can't feel it but he knows he's smiling. He can't help it. Honesty, it feels good.

He wishes she didn't let go of his hand, but he understands it's her turn to be honest. It's easier to listen without that distraction.  
(And it is one. His feelings are already a shambled mess, he doesn't need this to confuse and complicate everything. In the future, he'll take whatever touch she's comfortable with. Otherwise, he'll take too much)


	13. Nathan and babies (1x5; post-5x26)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan's thoughts about babies (1x5)
> 
> Nathan and James, after the Troubles (post-5x26)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a drabble.  
> For @Spankedbyspike who requested Nathan talking to a child about touch.  
> #I would suggest Nathan playing with a baby, toddler, kid and talking to that child about all the great things he/she will get to discover in this world and related to touch and feeling...#

Nathan loves babies. He loves how innocent and soft they are. Sure, he can't tell the latter anymore because of his Trouble, which also requires him to be extra careful when holding them but he still does fine. He still remembers what it's like. 

Babies don't judge, they just want love and their needs met. Nathan enjoys the simplicity. All that potential about who they'll be. And they are just so cute!

He doesn't even care about Audrey's weird looks when he holds and talks to Beattie's baby, babies. He sees no point trying to hide how much he likes babies. Babies don't need to deal with all this adult crap. They just deserve all the love they can get.

It is a bit weird to know he's holding Duke's daughter at the end of the case. Weird because how complicated his relationship with Duke is, and not just that little Jean gestated over the weekend. Having a child and not being able to ever meet them, know them, love them? Nathan's not sure he could do it. (He tries not to analyze the weird ache that makes him feel, since he doesn't have kids)

***

5x26 

As every so often, Nathan wakes up in the middle of the night. He tries not to disturb Paige as he gets up and makes his way to James' room. 

James is asleep, as he should be. For a few minutes, Nathan just stares at his son. Seeing him, knowing he's here, helps Nathan calm down after the dreams he had. He strokes James' cheek gently, loving the feel of his chubby cheek, the softness of his skin and his body temperature. James is simply perfect, and Nathan still can't get over that.

He has an intense need to hold his son, so he does, he picks him up gently and James quickly settles into his arms. Nathan presses a quick kiss against his forehead and can't help but stroke his soft, soft hair. He is so grateful he is not denied this, holding and feeling his son. Sometimes feeling can still get overwhelming for him but James never does.

James opens his eyes slightly but doesn't make a sound. For a moment nothing exists except father and son. Nathan gives James his finger and he quickly starts playing with it, squeezing so tightly. It's so simple and normal but Nathan can't shake the feeling that this is miraculous and he laughs a bit. His son looks up at him with his big blue eyes, the shade a mixture of his parents. Nathan pets his head again and James turns sleepy.

"I love you, James."

Nathan hasn't gone a day since James came back into his life without telling him that. It feels healing, to be able to express that sentiment. He lost James before he knew how he should feel. There's no confusion now. He never thought loving someone could be so simple.

"I'm so happy you never have to go through what I went through. The Troubles are gone. You never have to worry about the world hating you for who you are. I'm always going to be here to support and protect you. I can't wait to show you the world, let you experience it. I can't wait to see you experience it all, again. Never having to worry not feeling everything. Because that is more precious than you could ever imagine."

James is clearly tired but he still opens his eyes occasionally, listening to his father's quiet and low voice. Nathan leans down to kiss the top of his head one more time.

"We'll talk more once you're older," he whispers before he puts James back into his crib. He waits until James is clearly asleep again before he does the same. 

As he makes his way to the bedroom, he makes a point of touching what he can. The wallpaper, tables, books, keys. Everything he can reach. The restlessness caused by the dream is back now. He only really calms down after he has curled around Paige, the blanket a warm and pressing weight over his body, Paige's soft pyjamas and steady breathing lulling him to sleep again. 


	14. Welcome to Haven vs Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got into the mood to write Troubled-post-Troubled comparisons, so here's another.

1x1 Welcome to Haven

Nathan helps Agent Parker into his truck without incidence. 

"Thanks," she says right before she closes the door. But even though she doesn't mean to, she slams the car door on Nathan's fingers. 

_"Oh! I’m sorry! Are you, are you alright?"_

She is very apologetic which Nathan appreciates, even though it's useless and unnecessary.

_"It’s alright. Didn’t feel it."_

He would have preferred to wait a while until he shows her his freakness, if he even had to, but it doesn't matter much and he's kinda beyond caring.

 _"Oh, tough guy."_

If that's the way she wants to read it, fine. He's not going to disabuse her of that notion unless he has to.

***

5x26 Forever

She's back. She's back! She's Paige now. It's hard to believe. He's not quite sure he isn't imagining this. He is slightly panicking. He didn't think he would see her again. Let alone _James_. He has to take a few breaths. He can do this. Concentrate on the car. See what's wrong. She was never good with cars.

 _"Try it now."_

The car still refuses to start which clearly frustrates Paige.

 _"Ugh, no. Well, I don’t really think that that’s a repair._

Nathan is wondering what to try next and leans by his hand near the door and when Paige closes it, it slams right on his fingers. 

Nathan screams. He forgot just how _painful_ it actually is to get a door slammed on your fingers . The pain is excruciating yet luckily brief. No tough guy facade available this time. 

_"Ooh! Oh, God, are you OK? Are you OK? Let me at least take you to the hospital."_

He really appreciates her concern. Paige doesn't react quite like Audrey would but the emotion is the same.

 _"I’m OK."_

_"Fine,"_ she looks slightly doubtful. 

But the pain is already lessening so he's not lying when he tells her, _"Yeah."_

_"Well, can I at least.. buy you.. breakfast? Do you like pancakes?"_

Oh, how he missed her. And pancakes. He didn't think he'd eat one again.

 _"Yeah, I love pancakes."_

_"Me too."_


	15. 3x2 Stay: Cookie the Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audrey wants to keep Cookie /Nathan petting Cookie

AUDREY:

Cookie is such a cute being. He was so even as a human, as weird as that is to think about. Seeing him finally as a dog makes Audrey relize something. She's always wanted a dog. She doesn't know where (or who?) that desire comes from but it's there. Since Cookie was abandoned, she shouldn't have any issue keeping him.

She becomes even more certain of her decision when she sees Nathan with Cookie. He looks like he doesn't have a care in the world, petting Cookie, baby-talking him as Cookie kisses him. It's like the baby situation all over again. Although unlike then, this time she appreciates this softness in Nathan, because she knows more how hard it has been for him to keep it. Nathan looks up at her, and smiles and Audrey's heart flips. 

She kneels down on the ground next to Nathan and joins him in eagerly petting Cookie. 

“I think I'll keep him. It would be nice to have him as a company.” 

“Good choice. Because Cookie is such a good boy, aren't you Cookie?” Cookie throws his head back and Nathan laughs in appreciation of the dog's apparent compliance. 

“Once I get everything sorted out, you could come to my place and we could take him for a walk,” Audrey says, hoping Nathan reads her subtext. Because being near him like this, Audrey can't stop thinking about their almost-date. They haven't talked about any of that yet. 

Nathan looks at her and he gives her that embarrassed half-smile he does, and whispers, “It's a date.” 

*** 

NATHAN: 

Nathan loves animals. The only pets he's had was an aquarium when he was Troubled, and even though he loved his fish, he always wanted something furry and soft. But the Chief never wanted pets and when he was an adult he never felt like he had time to take care of one. 

But even though he can't feel Cookie's soft fur as his hand glides through it, he doesn't mind. Cookie seems happy, kissy and proud of a job well done and that's enough. Feeling isn't everything. Sometimes the proof of affection is enough. 

Audrey and Claire are looking at him when he turns and usually he would feels embarrassed, but Audrey has already seen him with babies, and their relationship is--- he's not sure what it is, they haven't talked about it yet, but he knows he doesn't always have to be 'a tough guy' with her. He responds to her smile and goes back to petting Cookie. 

When Audrey drops down next to him and starts petting Cookie too, Nathan's concentration slips momentarily. She's so close. Luckily his brain is back in order by the time she starts talking. 

“I think I'll keep him. It would be nice to have him as a company.” 

'Someone else to keep a guard on you, keeping you safe, would be good' Nathan thinks but doesn't voice. 

“Good choice. Because Cookie is such a good boy, aren't you Cookie?” Cookie's apparent agreement makes Nathan laugh. 

“Once I get everything sorted out, you could come to my place and we could take him for a walk.” 

Nathan really looks at Audrey for a moment, trying to make sure he is reading her right. He's never really been good at that. 

But the last time she invited him to her place, they were supposed to have a date. Maybe they could talk about that. 

He hopes he's not being too hopeful but he half-smiles at her and whispers, “It's a date.” 

Audrey's corresponding smile shows him he was right.


	16. 1x2 Butterfly (First Touch)

Nathan tries to get to Audrey's hotel room as quickly as he can. She sounded rather scared on the phone, and it's really not a good thing for an FBI agent to get killed by a Trouble. Of course he's mostly thinking of the town and not about how nice it's been to have someone like Audrey here.

He kicks the door open and finds her in a blanket cocoon on the floor. She is still making noises, so luckily she's not dead yet. 

He finds the scissors, drops to the floor next to her. There is a slight panic rising within him, so he's forgiven for ignoring the fact that when his hand brushes against her emerging bare skin, there're sparks. Touch. Feeling. 

When she is out of her cocoon, Nathan hurriedly helps her cover up and turns so she can get dressed. He tries to concentrate on how to explain this away. But he's also happy she's alright.


	17. The Barn (3x13)

Nathan doesn't notice it at first, of course. He never quite does. He should probably be more worried about that pattern. But that doesn't really matter now because he's inside this fucking magical barn that looks like a steam room that wants to take Audrey away from him. 

But in here, he can feel. His Trouble isn't active in the Barn and he feels everything, his skin, the air, the punch from his son. He's real again in the Barn they way he quite isn't usually, except with Audrey.

It feels amazing. But it clarifies something for him. He doesn't care whether or not he feels anything, as long as he has Audrey. And he's willing to do anything so she can stay. 


	18. 1x3 Harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan, before and after being affected by the McBreen Trouble.

It breaks Nathan's heart to find Lilly like this. The world can be such a randomly cruel place. He talks to Audrey on the phone and watches Ray sit down next to Lilly and start to play. But with that first quiet note, comes darkness.

**** 

You're not real. Not a real boy. 

Can't be a person, if you can't feel. 

_"Can you feel fire? Can you feel ice?"_ Audrey asked. 

No. You can't. There's nothing real about you. You might as well be made of wood, of plastic. 

You need to check, just in case. You try to control it, keep it inside, but there is just *so* much. 

_"Nathan. Nathan. Oh crap."_

Testing. His skin burns, but he doesn't feel it. There's,  
_"Nothing."_

You walk past her, she stumbles out of your way. It doesn't matter now. Someone needs to hurt. It can't be him. That doesn't matter.

*** 

_"What's it feel like? The sun."_

He's forgotten, over the years. Can't feel the breeze, the sun, no hot no cold no *nothing*.

Can't feel his fist connect with Duke's face. Can't feel his hands around his neck. Can't feel the tazer or hitting the deck. 

_"Are you Ok?"_ How could he be? He feels,  
_"Nothing. Felt nothing."_ the not a real boy passes out.

***

He fights against the chains because why not? He's not real, he doesn't hurt, none of it matters. There's so much rage trapped in his body, he needs to let it out. Needs to finally tell Duke what he is. Nathan might not be real, but at least he's not a parasite. 

Duke hits him, because of course he does. Doesn't hurt. All he has to do is spit out the blood and he's good to go. 

_"You can't hurt me. Remember?"_

Do you, Duke? Remember what you did? He better.

No matter. Nathan is left alone with his rage. 

**** 

Nathan remembers the music and then... nothing. He wakes up, chained on the Cape Rouge. 

Duke's cheek is open and bloody, and once Nathan is out of his chains he can see his fist is bloody. He did that. What else did he do?

His mind is fuzzy and he wants to run and hide. He doesn't want to go through that again. Sane or insane, which is worse? He can't tell.

He needs to pay for what he did. He tells Duke, fully willing to take responsibility for his actions. Duke lets him off the hook. He can't do the same.


	19. Nathan's Hair (Don't Touch It) 1x12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duke: Wow, Nathan. You look like crap.  
> Nathan: Huh.  
> Duke: Did you sleep in your truck?  
> Nathan: Give me the bag.  
> Duke: You got this?  
> Nathan: I got this.  
> Duke: Give me the gun. And the badge. Good. Eh.  
> You still look like a cop. Can you look more disheveled, you know? Like, maybe mess up your hair or something?  
> Nathan: What?  
> Duke: Yeah, mess-you know? Just.  
> Nathan: Hey.  
> Duke: Okay. You know what? Just, uh, stick to the plan and I'm sure it'll all be fine.  
> Nathan: Yeah, makes me feel a lot better.  
> Duke: Good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this is probably me projecting my own uncomfortableness with this scene onto Nathan, but surprise touches from people he doesn't like does affect Nathan, so.

Nathan is not having a good day. He didn't sleep well, and now he has to let Duke use his gun, his *badge*, in his annoying scheme while he dangles possibly useful information out of his reach. He's being used by Duke, again. He hates it. He really could do without Duke's annoying commentary on his looks. Then he makes a comment on his hair and it gets worse. 

_"Mess up your hair or something?"_

_"What?"_

The fuck?!??! Why is Duke *actually* touching his hair?!?

 _Hey!_

Does Duke even understand how tricky dealing with hair is when you can't feel it? It's bad enough Duke sometimes invades his personal space, but he dared to actually touch him! If they didn't have to deal with this case right now, he'd punch him. Teach Duke to not invade his space. 

He knows how to dishevel his own hair well enough, thank you very much.


	20. Lucy (5x20)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy and Nathan's meeting.
> 
> First person pov.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nathan: Hi.  
> Lucy: Find anything interesting? -  
> Nathan: Uh just looking for a pen.  
> Lucy: Oh. Well, here use use mine. I'm Lucy.  
> Nathan: Nathan. Thanks.  
> Lucy: What just happened?  
> Nathan: Nothing. I should go.  
> Lucy: Wait. Um Garland sent me in here to help you. Maybe I know this woman that you're looking for.  
> Nathan: I-I-I, um I have everything I need. I should really go.  
> Lucy: Um, my pen.

NATHAN:

Seeing Lucy takes my breath away. Every version of her does. I know why I'm here, what I have to do. And especially what I *shouldn'* do. It would be so easy to fall for Lucy, I can tell (it always is with her). Which is why I'll need to limit our interactions. And she shouldn't know what exactly I'm really doing here. 

_Um, just looking for a pen._ I feel awkward, like I usually do in these situations. 

_Oh. Well, here use use mine. I'm Lucy._

_Nathan. Thanks._ I take a hold of her pen and I can feel her fingers where they touch mine. I still can't feel the pen or anything else. It's as miraculous as it's always been. But I hope I can hide my reaction to it. 

_What just happened?_ Lucy asks. She felt it too. 

_"Nothing."_ I lie, probably not very well. _"I should go." ___

____  
Before I can leave she offers to help me and she sounds genuine. But I know the Haven protocol on outsiders, and Lknow wouldn't have told me anything. And I have what I need already.  


When Lucy asks for her pen back, I put it on the couch, where I've kept many a pen. It's a safe distance from Lucy's touch. It's better that I keep my distance.

***

LUCY 

Special Agent Nathan Butterworth doesn't fool me. He'a clearly been going through Garland's desk but I don't know whether he found what he was looking for. But Garland wants me to keep him busy for a bit and I can definitely do that. He's cute but there's also something else about him. Not sure what. 

'Looking for a pen' is such an old excuse. Luckily I always carry one with me for these occasions.

I introduce myself properly and hold out the pen. This moment is always good for slight flirting, so I can better assess the guy's danger level. But something I didn't expect happens as we both hold on to the pen.

I don't know how to describe it. It's a moment of connection, something special but how can that be? I've never met this Nathan before. Or have I? I try to look at him for recognition but he pulls away too soon for that.

 _"What just happened?"_ Nathan must have felt it too because his answer of _"Nothing,"_ isn't very convincing.

_"I should go."_

I'm still trying to make sense of this man but my head sobers up before he can leave. I still need to keep him busy for a bit. 

_Wait. Um Garland sent me in here to help you. Maybe I know this woman that you're looking for._ Even if he asks I'm not going to tell him about Barbara Colton. I don't know why a Fed is looking for her but I have to protect the Troubled as best I can. 

_I-I-I, um I have everything I need. I should really go._ Still cute and a terrible liar. I have a last ditch effort to keep him here. 

_Um, my pen._ He leaves it on the couch and leaves with a smile. 

As soon as he's gone, I go check Garland's desk. Damnit, he found out about Barbara.


	21. Nathan and James

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shared moment between Nathan and James in 3x13.

Audrey goes to get Arla and Nathan and James are alone again. The atmosphere is tense but Nathan can't help but just take it all in. He is looking at his son, his and Audrey's, who is looking anxious, waiting for his wife to come to him. It's a surreal feeling.

It's also weird that he can feel everything, including the hit from James. Somehow this feels realer than the time his Trouble was stolen. He can't help touching his cheek (the same one Audrey kissed), because even feeling pain is a luxury. 

"What's your Trouble?" James suddenly asks.

"What?"

"I'm your biological son. What Trouble could I have had?"

Having James acknowledge his paternity feels better than Nathan assumex. The fact that he doesn't know his Trouble feels even better. "So, you never had one?"

James' terse, "No," sounds so familiar. Suddenly Nathan has a desperate desire to find out everything about James.

"I'm glad," he tells James who becomes uncomfortable. "Um, I can't feel anything. Physically. Except your mother. And in here, for some reason."

James looks at him intently, "Is that why you love her? Why you were with Sarah, however that happened?"

Nathan swallows, it's not like that is really an unfair question, but it still hurts. "No. There's so much more to love about her. You'll learn that quickly."

Silence falls between them as they hear steps again. Audrey is coming with Arla.


End file.
